Oh. It’s almost a year now since you’re gone. I didn’t realise time was going by so quickly. I remember your laughter like it was yesterday. I wish I could pretend like it didn’t hurt. But it does, mate. I’ll tell you somewhat about my ‘new & better’ life.
I’ve a new best friend. He’s a panda just like you, boo. He’s really great. Really caring. I kinda did replace you, yes. But after a month or two, I realised I just had to. Back to him, he’s so close to perfect. We have our fights now and then. I do my best to be enough for him. School is a living hell Willie. I got bullied the first weeks. Same old shit. Just more intense and hardcore than ever. It’s much less now. I’ll live with it I guess.
Nothing is the same Will. Even mum changed towards me, everyone changed, everything changed. I don’t know if I like it better this way. I miss having you in my life. My best friend can be fucking great, perfect, bonny, pretty, amazing, funny, charming, and bubbly but, it’s not you. With you there was no ‘I should go sleep now’. There was no ‘I cant call right now’. There was no limits, and most important of all; I didn’t feel like I was bothering you. You needed me as much as I needed you, but he doesn’t. If I leave him, he’ll be just as fine. I don’t know if I like that or not, Will. It feels like I’m gonna follow your and Liv’s path. Everything gets too much. He won’t be too upset when I’m gone you know, if. However, I need him to need me because I need him too. I wanna make his life a little better. The fact I don’t matter that much after all kinda haunts me.
About my dad, though. Still the same old cliche but then a little more dramatic, it’s funny. He hates and loves me at the same fucking time as always. He can make me smile but you know, he still enjoys making my life miserable. Mum stopped hitting me. I guess that’s good. The voices are back again.
There are so many things I need to tell you besides all these, I cook much better than before now. I won’t burn the cookies that I’d be making, but then again you’re not there anymore. You’re gone.
Oh, snap. I’m crying again. It’s so hard to say this but I miss you so much. Everything is so fucked up. Please come here and get me out of this town. Get me out of this country. Let’s go somewhere where no one can find us. I want to be away from everyone. Yes, everyone. I’m tired. I need someone to save me right now Will.
Why the fuck did you have to go? Why the fuck couldn’t you try harder? Wasn’t my friendship good enough after all? I just can’t stand the fact you’re gone.
How the fuck could you leave me? I love you, boo. I’ll never ever forget you. Never.